Received: by alpheratz.cpm.aca.mmu.ac.uk id QAA27415 (8.6.9/5.3[ref pg@gmsl.co.uk] for cpm.aca.mmu.ac.uk from fmb-majordomo@mmu.ac.uk); Tue, 9 Jan 2001 16:31:24 GMT Message-ID: <2D1C159B783DD211808A006008062D3101745BAE@inchna.stir.ac.uk> From: Vincent Campbell <v.p.campbell@stir.ac.uk> To: "'memetics@mmu.ac.uk'" <memetics@mmu.ac.uk> Subject: RE: hunt for a lewd email Date: Tue, 9 Jan 2001 16:29:54 -0000 X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2650.21) Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Sender: fmb-majordomo@mmu.ac.uk Precedence: bulk Reply-To: memetics@mmu.ac.uk
Hi everyone!
Belated Happy New Year!
With several of you interested in chain letters and what not, here's
something a friend sent me. It's an anti-chain letter chain letter, which
includes the majority of the major elements of many e-mail chain letters.
It's quite long, so I don't know if the memetics major-domo will let it
through.
You may have seen it before, but I think it does offer some unwitting
insight into the meta-structure of the chain letter that makes such a thing
spread.
Vincent
Here it is, and be warned, it is rather... acerbic:-
> Hello, my name is Basmati Pilau. I am suffering from rare and deadly
> diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
> kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding
> out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
> believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl
> in
> Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money
> to
> have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling
> freak show.
>
> Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
> you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I
> scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy
> Bunny
> in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.
>
> So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there
> who
> have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
> Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
sodomize
> me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in
5 A.D. and was brought to > this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
> and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of
World
> Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
>
> Fuck them!
>
> If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
> fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest
> friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
receive a
> Nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking
> care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
> contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
> unpopularity.
>
>
> THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
>
> Chain Letter Type 1:
> (scroll down)
>
> Make a wish!!!
>
> Keep Scrolling
>
> No, really, go on and make one!!!
>
> Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
> Wish something else!!!
>
> Not that, you pervert!!
>
> STOP!!!!
>
>
> Wasn't that fun? :)
> Hope you made a great wish :)
>
>
> Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you
> don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by
a
> mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
> It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is
> TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
>
> *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
> them a stupid chain letter.
>
> *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending
> them a stupid chain letter.
>
> *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
> sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
>
> *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
> sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!!
> Good Luck!!!
>
> Chain Letter Type 2
>
> Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
> little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
> parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for
every
> time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless
> Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
>
> Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent
> and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send
this to
> 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
>
> Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you
> will die instantly.
>
> Thanks again!!
>
>
> Chain Letter Type 3
>
> Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
> absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
> many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
>
> So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
> minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
>
> *Bizarre Horror Story #1
> Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
> received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
> sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
> poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell
> nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
>
> *Bizarre Horror Story #2
> Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
> it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey,
> some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were
cursed to
> eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.
>
> This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like
> Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and
> everything will be okay.
>
>
> Chain Letter Type 4
>
> As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
> Send it to all your friends.
>
> FRIENDS:
>
> A friend is someone who is always at your side.
>
> A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your
> breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
>
> A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full
> of assholes.
>
> A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.
>
> A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your
> sad, sad life.
>
> A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you
> should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.
>
> A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
> check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the
cleaning
> lady.
>
> A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
> wish of being rich to come true.
>
> Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!
>
>
> The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
> you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's
> funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about
> a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for
27
> years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you
forward this mail,
> otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
>
> Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your
> pants missing tomorrow morning.
>
===============================================================
This was distributed via the memetics list associated with the
Journal of Memetics - Evolutionary Models of Information Transmission
For information about the journal and the list (e.g. unsubscribing)
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