Humor, Left and Right

Date: Fri 05 Sep 2003 - 01:41:40 GMT

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    Humpr from Mike Silverman How to tell if you are a right-wing wacko.....

    ... You think same-sex marriage is a greater threat to the United States then terrorism.

    ... You see nothing ironic about worshipping a large granite statue of the ten commandments.

    ... You support Israel...only because it needs to exist so that the End Times can begin.

    ... You favor genetically modified food but are against stem cell research.

    ... You vote on the same side as Iran and Libya at the UN...when the vote is about reproductive rights.

    ... You think it is OK for the government to tell people how to have sex and how to pray, as long as they tell people to do both those things the way you do them.

    ... You appreciate Ted Nugent's music without any sense of irony.

    ... You think John Walker (the American Taliban) is a traitor because he took up arms against the United States but you think Oliver North is a hero because he sold arms to the enemies of the United States.

    ... You consider gays, blacks, and whatnot organizing politically to be "special interest groups" but think that when the Southern Baptists do the same thing that they are just being patriotic citizens.

    How to tell if you are a leftist idiotarian...
    ... You are secretly (or not so secretly) glad every time a US soldier dies in Iraq because that "proves" that you were right and might hurt Bush.

    ... You believe that Jews have too much power, or that Israel has too much influence.

    ... You compare Bin Laden to Che Guevara, and believe that this is a positive thing.

    ... You will not vote for Howard Dean because he is too conservative.

    ... Any of your arguments rely on Noam Chomsky as a reference
    (unless the subject is limited to linguistics).

    ... You believe that burning down an auto dealership and new housing developments is an effective way to fight pollution of the environment.

    ... You believe that suicide bombers are heroic fighters for freedom.

    ... You are very concerned with the fate of the "political prisoners" at Guitanamo Bay but could care less about real political prisoners in places like Iran.

    ... You think the occupation of the West Bank by Israel is a terrible tragedy, but support the fraternal assistance of Syrian troops in Lebanon.

    ... You compare the President to a chimpanzee, and then participate in a chimpanzee "rescue" at your local research lab, and do not see the irony!

    ... You think the Weekly Standard is ultra-right-wing but the Nation is middle of the road.

    ... You are against same-sex marriage...because marriage is an evil patriarchal institution.

    ... You have no problem with racism, hatred, homophobia, and misogyny, as long as these are practiced by non-Western cultures.

    ... You believe that automatically being against any military action by America is a mark of your moral superiority.

    ... You voted for Ralph Nader, ever.

    ... You generally despise law enforcement, except when acts of terrorism occur, when you then say that they should be treated as crimes and investigated by law enforcement as opposed to being retaliated against with the military.

    ... You put the word terrorism in "quotes" when writing.

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