Re: Why Europe is so Contrary

From: Jon Gilbert (
Date: Fri 22 Nov 2002 - 00:12:16 GMT

  • Next message: "Islam and Europe"

    Here are some meme-constructs for you:

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    Where do we get our values from? I do not understand our values. By the way, speaking of American values, aren't we about due to start bombing some small country that only has a marginally effective air-force? Seems to me like we're weeks overdue to drop high explosives on helpless civilians. People who have no argument with us whatsoever. I think we oughta be out there doin' what we do best, gang, making large holes in other people's countries.

    And I hate to be repetitious, but we are a war-like lot. We can't stand it not to be fuckin' with somebody. We couldn't wait for that Cold War to be over, could we? Couldn't wait for that Cold War to be over so we could go play with our toys in the sand. And when we're not invading some sovereign nation, or setting it on fire from the air, which is more fun for our Nintendo pilots, then we're usually declaring war on something here at home.

    Did you ever notice that about us? We love to declare war on things here in America. Anything we don't like about ourselves we declare war on. We don't do anything about it; we just declare war on it. It's the only metaphor [meme] we have in our public discourse for solving problems: declaring war. We have to declare war on everything. We have the war on crime, the war on poverty, the war on litter, the war on cancer, the war on drugs.

    But did you ever notice, we got no war on homelessness? You know why? There's no money in that problem! No money to be made off of the homeless. If you could find a solution to homelessness where the corporate swine and the politicians could steal a couple of million dollars each, you'd see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty god-damned quick, I'll guarantee you that!
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    - George Carlin, American comedian, mid-90's

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    Gosh, since I was here, we had a war, that's pretty fucking weird, huh? A war? Wasn't really a war, you know, a war is when two armies are fighting, so, I don't know if you could call it a war, exactly, you know. The Persian Gulf Distraction, is more like it, I think.

    Pretty amazing thing, really. Bush turned out to be a major fucking demon, who woulda guessed? Remember when he was first president, he was the "Wimp President," do you remember that? Cover of Newsweek, cover of fucking Newsweek, "WIMP PRESIDENT." Apparently, this stuck in this guy's craw a little bit. That guy was a dynamite waiting to go off.

    (Iraqi voice) We surrendah!
    (George Bush voice) Not good enough.
    (Iraqi voice) We run away!
    (George Bush voice) Too little, too late! Call me a wimp, c'mon, fuckers, c'mon! Hold him back!

    Those guys were in hog heaven over there, man. They had a big weapons catalogue opened up.

    (Hillbilly voices) What's G-12 do, Tommy? See, it says here it destroys everything but the fillings in their teeth, helps us pay for the war effort. Well, fuck, pull that one up! Pull up G-12, please. SHOOP. BOOM! Cool, what's G-13 do?

    Big Sears weapons catalogue. 'Weapons, for all occasions!' You know.

    See, everyone got boners over the technology, and it was pretty incredible. Watching missiles fly down air vents, pretty unbelievable. But couldn't we feasibly use that same technology to shoot food at hungry people? Know what I mean? Fly over Ethiopia,
    "There's a guy that needs a banana!" SHOOP. The Stealth Banana. Smart fruit! I don't know.

    Once again, I was watching the fucking news, and it really threw me off. It depressed everyone, it's so scary watching the news, how they built it all out of proportion, like Iraq was ever, or could ever possibly, under any stretch of the imagination be a threat to us-wwwwhatsoever. But-watching the news, you never would have got that idea.

    Remember how it started, they kept talking about 'the Elite Republican Guard' in these hushed tones like these guys were the bogeymen or something. Yeah, we're doing well now, but we have yet to face... The Elite Republican Guard. Like these guys were twelve-feet tall desert warriors. [Giant footstep sounds.] Never lost a battle!
    [More giant footstep sounds.] "We shit bullets!"

    Yeah, well, after two months of continuous carpet-bombings and not one reaction at all from them, they became simply, "the Republican Guard." (Not nearly as elite as we may have led you to believe.) And after another month of bombing, they went from "the Elite Republican Guard" to "the Republican Guard" to "the Republicans made this shit up about there being guards out there!"

    We hope you enjoyed your fireworks show. It was so pretty, and it took our mind off of domestic issues! The Persian Gulf distraction.
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    - Bill Hicks, American comedian, 1992

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    This thing is the feature in the study of history most salubrious and profitable, that all the instructive examples be gazed upon by you as if positioned on a famous monument; that thence you should choose to imitate for yourself and your country things from them, and thence, what things, shameful in origin, shameful in result, you should avoid.

    Hoc illud est praecipue in cognitione rerum salubre ac frugiferum, omnis te exemply documenta in illustri posita monumento intueri; inde tibi tuaeque rei publicae quod imitere capias, inde foedum inceptu, foedum exitu, quod vites.
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    - Livy, Roman historian, Preface to Ab Urbe Condita, appx. 30 BCE

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