From: "Dave Hall" <davehall@dbn.lia.net>
To: "Virus list" <virus@lucifer.com>, "Memetics list" <memetics@mmu.ac.uk>
Subject: HUMOUR: FW: Job application
Date: Fri, 19 Mar 1999 21:17:38 +0200
Hi,
For those who enjoyed my little Microsoft Asteroids' skit last week, here's
a new one. It's possibly more complex in what it reveals, a skit that
includes COWS, fellow enslaved inhabitants of our Planet, in various
"forms". FWIW I'm not a vegetarian .. just a "normal" human scavenger that
hasn't thought about converting my gastrointestinal system all that much.
What tastes good works for me, so to speak.
Again, I've chosen a "souless corporate giant" that begins with the letter
M. Yep ... the cyberspace version of the "Giant Golden M" that humans know
and love so well and flock to when feeding, to the extent they'll stand in
lines to get at the trough. Thus http://www.macdonalds.com comes under the
memetic spotlight today .. and reveals some INCREDIBLE things about life as
we know it in this Universe.
I must admit the entire "skit" was whipped up by borrowing from other
people's Great Economic Ideas and tinkering with them until they associated
in a Silly Way. My objective is to "write" at least one "The World Is
Rather Silly When You Finally Come To Think About It" piece per week ..
until no-one tells me to stop it. This one involves a bit of "cyberspace
treasure hunting" to get it's full "humour impact" .. or irony. Translated:
be careful not to buy another guy his lunch.
I sure hope it makes sense to at least one person other than myself! Let
the humour(??) begin .....
Dave
[Johannesburg, South Africa]
----------------
Introduction to forwarded "designer humOR virus" email
<skip straight to bottom for a pretty good laugh>
------------------------------------------------------
I think gauging another living being's sense of humour is a excellent way to
tell how "intelligent" that other being is and in what way he/she is
"intelligent" ... military geniuses no longer really required on the Planet.
World reknowned biologist, Jane Goodal, believes that chimpanzees have a
sense of humour having lived with them for 40 years of her life. Look it up
sometime. (I saw a recent TV interview that mentioned smething like
http://www.janegoodal.org though I may have the spelling wrong).
I also think that humOUR should be spelt with an "OUR" to signify something
shared, rather than with an "OR" which means "something else" IMO. Let's
all "hum" to-get-her .. so to speak. Girls like a boy that can make them
laugh a lot, especially if it's original stuff .. which requires original
thinking. Well I hope they do otherwise I'm in the wrong "business" AGAIN
;->
I was going to clean up this <master>piece below to prove that I never wrote
it. It appears that the last guy in the chain to lay claim to original
authorship goes by the logo of "Greg Bulmash" .. sure doesn't mince his
words, hay!?). But I found it so funny (as in LOL) I figured I'd just pass
it on in the form I received it .. but changed ever so slightly to TARGET
the message more finely by including a little "memetic re-engineering".
The email virus, after a few technical changes, is what I like to call
ADWARE in it's purest form .. survival by "payment in kind" without actually
needing any *money*. To look up how that phrase, "payment in kind", was
economically derived and added to everyday "business speak" ... read "Grunch
of Giants" by R. "Bucky" Fuller which can be found in many places on the web
..... just use a Ferret search tool http://www.ferretsoft.com to find a copy
for you. About 63 pages of enlightening, and extremely entertaining, for
some, points of view .. FREE READING for travellers on "Spaceship Earth".
Feel FREE to click on the changes that I did make to the original. I'm
willing to bet that the guy who sent this to me via so many thousands of
other "repeaters" gets a lot of free lunches from his "sponsors", hopefully
not of the mad-cow variety.
Using my "Mathematical Enhancement Tool", Microsoft Excel [I think I just
must *confess* that Microsoft got me out of the *bad* Sin of using
@sum(stuff to add up) rather than =sum(stuff to add up) and save me from
having to push the <Shift> button so much] I have mathematically deduced
and "proven" that:
IF
the DEAL
that "Aladin Sane" below has with these Mince Marketing Machines
<!--- yeah the 3 M's! .. nearly like Mickey Mouse ..
say MMMmmmy Mmine .. different to OUR --->
IS 1 x <CLICK-THROUGH> = 1 x <"quarter pounder of mince">
OR a "Royale"
<!--- = Spanish word for REAL
= royally ordained
= *real* value for MONEY --->
THEN
since the counter on the web page that can be
found by clicking on the URL below was reset,
each of the "sandwich" companies
MUST PAY
a proto-rata portion of what is currently
an average of nearly 84 POUNDS of minced cowflesh
per DAY
TO "Mr. Aladin Sane", aka CGD Consulting.
END ECONOMIC TRANSACTION
Annualised, that's about nearly 3,000 POUNDS of COW. Borrow a BULL for a
few hours, let him do what he does best, and you could have a DAIRY pretty
soon .. and all this HEAT gets converted to MILK! Now I have no idea of how
many TONS of cow that could be after a few years, or how many hectares of
grassland have been saved by the conversion of LIVING BEINGS into
socio-economic UNITS OF MEASURE but I'm sure that my Theory that the MONEY
meme is "Totally Out of Control" can be proven in many ways by those more
specialised than I am, and thereby "disguise" the results in heaps of mumbo
jumbo, affectionatly otherwise known as BULLSHIT <baffles brains> that
no-one can actually understand without a Degree in Rocket Science.
If there's a moral to the whole story, I suppose that if we dare to look
around and think about what our eyes see, at what we're doing to this planet
in the name of the MONEY GOD and it's stupendous number of derivations in a
few, short thousand years, mutating ever more rapidly, we may come to
realise that we'll only live as "superior beings" amongst 5 billion other
"lower" species and rapidly mutating wannabe's as long as the Universe
allows us to live .. and we're playing mostly against the rules of this
Universe because we *think* we're different from it. Dah!
-----Original Message-----
From: Aladin Sane [mailto:cgd@cdg.co.uk]
Sent: 19 March 1999 11:46
To: David Hall [mailto:davehall@dbn.lia.net]
Subject: Job application
Subject: Fw: giz a job
>>
>>
>>
>> >>> Actual McDonald's [http://wwwmacdonalds.com] Fast Food Job
Application
>> >>>
>> >>>This is an actual job application someone submitted at a
McDonald's
>> >>>fast-food establishment........and they hired him!
>> >>>
>> >>>NAME: Greg Bulmash
>> >>>
>> >>>DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's
>> >available.
>> >>>If I was in a position to be picky,
>> >>> I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
>> >>>
>> >>>DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
>> Ovitz
>> >>style
>> >>>severance package.
>> >>> If that's not possible, make an offer and we can
>> haggle.
>> >>>
>> >>>EDUCATION: Yes, but is that really a requirement to work here?
>> >>>
>> >>>LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>> >>>
>> >>>SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
>> >>>
>> >>>MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens
>> and
>> >>>post-it notes.
>> >>>
>> >>>REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>> >>>
>> >>>HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>> >>>
>> >>>PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to
>> a
>> more
>> >>>intimate environment.
>> >>>
>> >>>MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
>> here?
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
>> LIFTING
>> >UP
>> >>>TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here
>> would
>> be
>> >"Do
>> >>>you have a car that runs?"
>> >>>
>> >>>HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already
>> be a
>> >>>winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU SMOKE?: Depends on what it is.
>> >>>
>> >>>WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the
>> Bahamas
>> >with
>> >>>a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the
>> greatest
>> >>thing
>> >>>since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>> >>>
>> >>>DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
>> YOUR
>> >>>KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
>> >>>
>> >>>SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
>> >>>
>> >>>
>> >>
>> >
>> >
>>
>
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